They Live (1988)


Next up in TSPDT is #993, They Live. I read the summary, saw the poster and thought it’d be right up my alley, but I was wrong… like painfully wrong. From what I understand, this movie’s on the list because it’s a real cult classic. Like with any cult classic, it wasn’t popular when it was released but gained a following in later years. These tend to be hit or miss… this time, obviously, it was a miss.

This movie is so cheesy and ridiculous that I couldn’t take it seriously or enjoy it. When I watch these kinds of movies, I find it hard to write anything because I don’t have defendable reasons why I didn’t like the movie, I just didn’t like it. Rowdy Roddy Piper’s acting left a lot to be desired and made it impossible for me to relate to his character. Now I’m going to be superficial: his mullet was too intense and distracting; and his clothes… well the 80s is strong with this one. I try to tell myself that they’re just products of their time, but it doesn’t help me enjoy it any more. Aside from the looks and acting, the most distracting element in the entire movie was the music. It was so dramatic and goofy that it took away from every scene and made it into a joke. I guess the scene that was actually meant to be a joke was the extremely long fight scene… like 5 minutes long. I just wanted it to end, but it kept going on and on. He doesn’t want to put on the damn glasses already!

After bashing almost everything about this movie I’ll be nice and give it points for 3 things that I enjoyed. The first being the alien practical effects which I really dug. The aliens are so creepy and cool without their skin. Seeing them in the posters was one of the reasons I was excited to watch the movie in the first place. The second thing I liked were the TV speeches. The song “House on a Hill” by The Pretty Reckless starts with an excerpt from this speech and I had no idea it came from this movie. I actually kind of like the speech and now I’ll think of this movie whenever I hear that song. The final thing that stood out for me were Holly’s eyes. I’ve never seen eyes so blue in my life; they’re this pale icy blue that pierces into your soul. With eyes like those I think she could do better than the poorly acted, mullet haired, flannel wearing character of Nada.

Well that’s all I have to say about They Live. I don’t think I’d personally put it down as one of the greatest 1000 movies ever made. It’s one of those movies you have to try for yourself and see if you like it. Hopefully it’ll be your cup of tea.

Verdict: 6.5/10 I brought the bubble gum, but I’m all out of ass


Flatliners (2017)


I heard all the bad reviews for this movie but I’m too damn stubborn to listen. I needed to experience the awfulness for myself and experience it I did. Flatliners is about medical students who kill themselves to see what the afterlife is like before they’re brought back to life. I love the premise for this movie and was actually pretty excited to see it, but once Ellen Page was revived things started to take a turn towards the dumb and unbelievable. She suddenly knows the answers to all these medical questions and can recall the smallest details from things she read years earlier. I almost broke my nose I facepalmed so hard. That part was really stupid, but it wasn’t the part I liked the least. I couldn’t stand the supernatural, horror aspect that started about half way in. How in the hell do these people actually get hurt by these hallucinations? It’s explained that they were actually doing it to themselves, but that makes no sense. Let’s just go through one of these hallucinations, shall we? This is what would have happened when Jamie is having his hallucination on his house boat: he puts down the knife, then picks it up again, then goes to grab the knife but is shocked that it isn’t there, he then throws himself off of his boat into the water, while pulling himself up onto the dock out of the water (using both hands mind you) he stabs himself in the hand using his other hand. I refuse to suspend my disbelief for this… I refuse! This explanation doesn’t make sense, so I guess they’re being haunted by real ghosts and in that case how come all the people who’ve had near death experiences never claimed to see ghosts before? No matter how you spin it, this movie completely lost all credibility in my eyes.

Another thing I noticed but don’t usually care about is the editing. After Jamie has his hand stabbed it just cuts away to Ellen Page recording a video of herself. What the hell? What happened to Jamie? Ok fine I can give the movie one free pass. So now Ellen Page is taking this video and some supernatural stuff happens to her and you see Jamie standing outside her building until it, out of nowhere, cuts to people swimming in a pool. The next scene had nothing at all to do with what happened to Ellen Page. It didn’t need to go here… resolve what happened to her and put this somewhere else in the movie! My free pass was already used up so at this point I was starting to get annoyed. Now Jamie is talking to his ex and he’s standing in the street like maybe she’ll say something or something important will happen… then it cuts away to Marlo in her bed. What happened to Jamie?! Stop cutting away when things are happening! You’re given no resolution or time to process anything because they immediately cut away to something else entirely. I don’t normally notice these things, but it really bothered me here and it took me right out of the movie.

You should just trust the reviews on this one, it isn’t worth your time. It’s a jumbled mess that doesn’t seem like it really knows what it wants to be.

Verdict: 5.3/10 Flatlined half way in and couldn’t be brought back… RIP


Weekend Binge #2

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)war_for_the_planet_of_the_apes

I like the Planet of the Apes franchise, in particular I enjoyed the originals a lot, but I couldn’t really get into the new trilogy. This was an ok movie, but I only watched it for completion’s sake so I wasn’t expecting too much. See I find it extremely difficult to follow the plot in movies that are live action but mostly CGI because my brain just zones out.  I thought it was almost interesting trying to come full circle by introducing Nova, but it didn’t really work for me because if you watched the first Planet of the Apes right after this, it wouldn’t make any sense. In that movie she’s put in a cage like another animal, so if she was originally like a pet to them or someone they cared about how come they treated her like any other human? It felt like a quick last minute tie in and not something that was very thought out. The effects are pretty great obviously, and they did a good job trying to evoke emotion from the audience. I couldn’t really empathize too much with CGI though, so it was sort of lost on me. Now try and stay with me here… what I’m about to say in no way reflects the quality of this movie, I’m merely trying to compare the ideas. This was sort of like the Star Wars prequels in that it tries to explain things that I never really wanted to know. Personally, I never cared why humans couldn’t talk or how apes took over the world so this just didn’t appeal to me in any way (just like how I don’t care about Midi-chlorians!).

However, this is a well done movie with some emotional moments and I can understand how it was so highly praised. If you liked the first 2 movies in this trilogy I’m sure this won’t disappoint you.

 Verdict: 7/10 Don’t forget the subtitles or you’ll end up listening to monkey grunts for 20 minutes and have to rewind

Stronger (2017)stronger.png

I looked at this movie and thought it was some tear jerking Oscar bait movie and didn’t want to waste my time on it, but then I noticed that Jake Gyllenhaal was in it and I pretty much had no choice. He hasn’t disappointed me in a long time so any movie he’s in, I’m there. Thankfully this ended up being so much better than I thought it’d be. I thought it was really respectful of the event and the survivors and it didn’t feel like it was just trying to cash in. One of my favorite scenes is when Jeff is in the hospital and he’s getting his bandages changed. The focus of the camera is on his face and his pain, while his legs are out of focus in the background. The point of the scene is to show what he had to endure, not to show the gore for shock value or flaunt off the special effects. It was unexpected, but I liked how they handled that a lot. They did something similar when he goes to wave the flag at the hockey game. That whole scene was incredible with the way they handled his PTSD and the emotion between him and his girlfriend, Erin.

Overall this is a pretty good movie. The acting, effects and handling of the tough subject matter was all done exceptionally well and this is well worth checking out.

Verdict: 8.1/10 Bring some Kleenex

mother! (2017)

The only thing I knew about this movie going in was that it was really weird and you’ll either love it or hate it. For some reason, I thought Jennifer Lawrence was supposed to be a robot and I spent the whole movie waiting for her to plug herself in to charge or something. Maybe if she was a robot I would’ve liked it more than I did. The first half wasn’t bad, but the second half was just too WTF for me. There was too much going on and none of it really made sense. I don’t even have a favorite image to screengrab here so all you get is text!

As a fan of Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan, I thought I might enjoy this but oh well… you win some you lose some. Maybe if you liked The Fountain you might like this.

Verdict: 6.4/10 She’s definitely NOT a robot…

Sing Street (2016)

sing_street.pngThis is another musical with another great soundtrack. This one takes place in the 80s and stars a 15 year old boy who starts a band to impress a girl he likes. I was a little skeptical at first after hearing the boy’s voice, but he started to get into it and I thought he sounded great. Some of the songs were catchy and they were a lot of fun to listen to. The brother was really great in this movie; his character was so deep and well written, and the actor who played him gave a fantastic performance.

If you like musicals then I’m sure you’ll like this. If you grew up in the 80s, I’m even more sure you’ll like this.

Verdict: 7.8/10 Get ready for a good time!

Lovesong (2016)lovesong.png

I’m not totally sure where I heard of this movie but it somehow made it on to my “To Watch” list, so when I saw it on Netflix I thought I’d give it a go. This movie is about 2 friends who sleep with each other once then don’t see each other again until one of them gets married. It’s a little awkward, but also kind of sweet, but also kind of sad. This movie was a child size roller coaster of emotion. That kid was so adorable I thought I was going to die whenever she said something and there were some really good laughs, namely “Anal Saturdays”… man was that a great scene. I liked the movie up until the ending then I got sort of annoyed. Watching people being stupid just makes me mad. I wish I could’ve reached into the movie and slapped them. Look at that image! Don’t they look happy? I think so. Ok… well out of context that doesn’t look too happy, but in context it was really sweet and I liked it.

Overall, this is a slow, mediocre “romance” type movie and I’d say it probably won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you have nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon, maybe give it a whirl.

Verdict: 7/10 Anal Saturdays

45 Years (2015)

I heard good things about this movie and I had it queued to watch on Netflix for months despite it not looking too interesting to me. My instinct happened to be right in this case, and I didn’t enjoy it at all. It’s about this couple who are just about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary when they receive some news that will change their lives in a big way. I won’t give away what the big news is because I think learning about it as the characters do helps you feel the emotions right alongside them. As far as how it made me feel, well I can understand the heartbreak and how it’d feel to have your entire life put into question, but maybe I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to really have it hit me emotionally.

I found myself really bored through long stretches of this movie. Perhaps if you’ve been married for 44 years and 11 months you might be able to relate a little more and will enjoy this… otherwise I can’t really say I’d recommend it.

Verdict: 6.4/10 Ehhhhhhh


Freaks (1932)


Going way way back to a controversial classic horror movie. Freaks from 1932 is about a traveling band of circus performers and freaks. The main plot thread is about one of the performers taking advantage of one of the freaks for his money and let’s just say the other freaks are not having any of it. I liked this movie a lot more than I thought I would; the characters were well rounded, some of the jokes were funny, and the horror elements made me uncomfortable. This is a movie that hits all the marks and is made even more legendary because of its history which I’ll get into in a minute. Before that, I  just want to apologize for referring to them as freaks for the rest of this review, the exploitation of people with deformities and medical problems for entertainment is actually pretty messed up. Hans has it right when he says most big people laugh because they don’t realize he’s a man with the same feelings they have. But, on to the review…

You can read a lot more about this all over the internet, but this movie is famous for being so disturbing that the studio had to cut out almost 30 minutes and re-shoot a new ending. Based on the original script, some of the things they cut out were how Cleopatra turned into a duck woman and the scene showing that Hercules was castrated. That would’ve been shocking 30 years ago, but in 1932 I can totally see how it would’ve been too much for audiences. I, personally, would love to see the uncut original version but most of the deleted scenes were lost. I’ll count the world lucky to have even the scraps that we have now. However, it would be nice to have a more restored version with better audio because I had a hard time understanding some of the dialogue. The dialogue that I could understand, though, was really well crafted. I love early 30s movies because women were still given strong parts. Venus and Cleopatra (even though she was evil) had great parts with some funny lines. These were the times before women were confined to be the love interests of James Stewart and Cary Grant and what a wonderful time it was.

One scene that stands out for me is the wedding scene when the freaks try to initiate Cleopatra into the family by chanting, “We accept you, one of us! Gooble Gobble!” Not only is that weird but also very creepy. That kick starts the end of the movie where most of the creep factor is. You see the freaks under the wagons and you know they’re planning something big. Then comes the most well known scene where they’re chasing after Cleopatra and Hercules in the rain and mud… very disturbing. What’s even more disturbing, and sad to be completely honest, is that they used real–I’m sorry again, this is just the name of the movie–freaks. The core message of the movie is that we’re all the same and you shouldn’t treat people badly based on how they look, but it’s a little undercut by the title. Something like this would never fly today. In American Horror Story, they have a character that’s a “Pinhead”, but it’s accomplished with make up and effects not by actually using someone with that condition.

I don’t know how to recommend this movie because I think it was fantastic, especially for 1932, but at the same time I feel bad watching these people being used for entertainment and horror. This is all I can really say, you judge for yourself.

Verdict: 8.4/10 Gooble Gobble


Eden Lake (2008)


I found this movie on a list of modern horror movies you probably haven’t seen yet… which was pretty accurate at the time because I hadn’t seen this or even heard of it. This one has the Michael Fassbender in it! It’s basically about this couple who go on vacation to Eden Lake and are terrorized by a group of teenagers. It was a decent movie, but it didn’t do anything new or exciting to earn a re-watch badge with me.

I’ll start with the effects because I’m me and duh. There were 2 shots I remember that had great effects and made me really uncomfortable. One was the close up of Steve’s wounds because they looked pretty realistic and you could see the blood gushing out of them. The second one was when his wife, Jenny, gets the spike through her foot and she’s trying to pull it out. Both disgusting and painful to look at. Don’t believe me? Look at the image for this post and tell me that wouldn’t hurt!

As far as the acting goes, Fassbender was top notch and just like in The Mist, the A-lister steals the show. The kids were decent enough, but I found it extremely difficult to understand what they were saying, with the main kid being the worst offender. The British accent was so thick I could’ve benefited a lot from subtitles. Going back to the main kid, I thought he looked familiar and it turns out he starred in Starred Up a few years after this movie came out which I found very fitting. It’s almost like a sequel to this movie, where his stupid ass gets sent to jail for being a violent psychopath. It nearly makes up for the story which I’ll get into next.

The story itself isn’t too original; a couple goes away and the locals attack them. The execution was good, but it still had some annoyingly cliche scenes. One cliche being “woman hears noise outside tent and man goes to check it out”. Sure it scared me a little bit, but it was too cheap of a thrill for me to really appreciate. Another thing that annoyed me in this movie was that whenever they got into a car they would floor it through the woods. Hello, the guys you’re running from are on foot or, worst case, on bikes. You don’t need to floor it, just drive at a safe woods speed and you’ll get away without getting stuck or crashing.

Eden Lake is an alright one-watch horror film. It has good acting and gore effects, but the story has been done to death. Without Michael Fassbender, I think this would’ve been forgettable, but since he’s in it I’d say it’s worth a watch at least once in your life.

Verdict: 6.8/10 *mumbles something in a British accent*


The Voices (2014)


The Voices is a comedy horror about a man who talks to his dog and cat and ends up killing people. Based on the summary for this movie, I don’t think I would’ve ever watched it, but my boyfriend picked it randomly for us to watch and I have to say it wasn’t bad at all. I found myself actually laughing at some of the lines, especially the cat’s which I found especially funny because cats are evil. Case in point, “Oh, Jerry, change the fucking channel before I explode!”, says the cat as he watches lion’s having sex on TV, followed by him saying in wonder and awe, “Check it out, a crocodile killing a motherfucking antelope.” I don’t know, is there any more proof that cats are evil than this? Meanwhile, the dog is just chilling on the couch being a good pet.

Aside from the positive light this movie casts on dogs, there were some other good points. Namely, the way the movie shows the difference the drugs make for Jerry. When he’s off the drugs, everything is bright and cheery and his home is clean then when you get snapped back into reality everything literally turns to shit. His apartment is filthy, has animal shit on the floor and, oh yeah… decomposing dismembered body parts. The execution of this idea was done perfectly, and just when you got used to off the drugs Jerry, you’re quickly brought back into the real world and realize that he’s got some serious mental problems.

Overall, this was a fun horror movie that provides some good laughs. The plot is unusual, and is actually genuinely horrific with how disgusting it can be at times. Ryan Reynold’s does a fantastic job as Jerry and the voices of his pets.

Verdict: 7.4/10 Sing a happy song… sing a happy song


Trick ‘r Treat (2007)


I heard about this one from a YouTube reviewer that I follow. I agree with a lot of his reviews and I thought maybe this will be a fun horror movie to watch on a Sunday afternoon. I can’t even count the number of times I fell asleep and had to rewind the movie. I know I fell asleep at least 3 times during the last 20 minutes. This was just so boring and I’m not sure what the point even was. For those that don’t know, this movie is, I guess, about some weird little jack-o-lantern faced thing that sort of kills people but also people kill people and it’s Halloween.

I couldn’t care any less about the characters and I found everyone just so boring. I love Helo from BSG, but even he couldn’t save this movie for me. There are several different plots that intertwine at different points in the movie and it sort of begins with the ending… or ends with the beginning. The only positive thing I can say about this movie is the twist with the girls being werewolves was very unexpected. That’s actually all I have to say.

I was pretty bored with this movie, but maybe if you watch it with a group of friends under the right conditions you could find it fun. As a solo movie, I wouldn’t really recommend to watch this. There isn’t anything remarkable about it and you aren’t going to be missing out.

Verdict: 5.9/10 *Goes back to sleep*