For Your Eyes Only (1981)


I feel like shaking things up a bit and reviewing a movie that isn’t a TSPDT movie for a change. I’ve had a long time quest to watch all the 007 movies in order and so far I’ve made it part way through the Roger Moore era. Up to this point in the series he is definitely my favorite bond. He’s sophisticated and can toss a little bit of humor in to the mix as well. As far as this particular movie goes, there was no pigeon double take like the last one, but there were some dumb scenes as usual for this series.

What I really didn’t like in this movie, which honestly seems pretty normal for the series up till now, is all of the women. Their acting is horrendous… I could do a better job. Bibi, or whatever her name was, was the worst thing about the entire movie. How old is she supposed to be? At one point she whines, “I want to win the gold medaaaaaal”. Is she really supposed to be an Olympic athlete? And then she tried desperately throughout the movie to seduce Bond. Are they trying to make some reference to the fact that the 60s era bond used to sexually harass women so now they’re doing like a wink and a nudge by having her do it to him? Help me figure this out because I don’t have any other explanation for this abomination of a character. The bond girl of this movie wasn’t any better. Instead of being over the top campy, I wasn’t even sure she was a live human being. She had almost no emotion on her face ever. All her lines were delivered completely deadpan. I guess she was beautiful enough for the part though… that’s all the matters… right?

Enough about women… let’s talk about the fancy gadgets and action scenes. I know this movie is from the 80s but I couldn’t stop laughing at that fancy facial ID machine. It was like some green wire frame “image” of a person and they were able to find out the guy’s name and literally every little fact about him in 30 seconds. I guess something had to move the plot along, but that was too funny. Then there was that stupid hockey fight scene. They actually played the goal sound whenever bond kicked a guy into the net. This movie is so cheesy and ridiculous. The cliff scene was kind of cool though and the car chase wasn’t bad. There were a lot of action scenes in this one and they all sort of balance out to make them average as a whole.

I can make all the jokes I want about this movie but this is what a 007 movie is. Big, over the top, spectacular action scenes with dumb one liners. The only critique I’ll give is that I don’t think the villain was very good and the story wasn’t interesting enough for me. This is definitely not the worst bond movie by any stretch of the imagination though. I’m not upset that I watched it and I don’t think you will be either. Until next time when I’ll be back in Octopussy!

Verdict: 7/10 For your eyes only… man getting bit in crotch by shark


Weekend Binge #2

War for the Planet of the Apes (2017)war_for_the_planet_of_the_apes

I like the Planet of the Apes franchise, in particular I enjoyed the originals a lot, but I couldn’t really get into the new trilogy. This was an ok movie, but I only watched it for completion’s sake so I wasn’t expecting too much. See I find it extremely difficult to follow the plot in movies that are live action but mostly CGI because my brain just zones out.  I thought it was almost interesting trying to come full circle by introducing Nova, but it didn’t really work for me because if you watched the first Planet of the Apes right after this, it wouldn’t make any sense. In that movie she’s put in a cage like another animal, so if she was originally like a pet to them or someone they cared about how come they treated her like any other human? It felt like a quick last minute tie in and not something that was very thought out. The effects are pretty great obviously, and they did a good job trying to evoke emotion from the audience. I couldn’t really empathize too much with CGI though, so it was sort of lost on me. Now try and stay with me here… what I’m about to say in no way reflects the quality of this movie, I’m merely trying to compare the ideas. This was sort of like the Star Wars prequels in that it tries to explain things that I never really wanted to know. Personally, I never cared why humans couldn’t talk or how apes took over the world so this just didn’t appeal to me in any way (just like how I don’t care about Midi-chlorians!).

However, this is a well done movie with some emotional moments and I can understand how it was so highly praised. If you liked the first 2 movies in this trilogy I’m sure this won’t disappoint you.

 Verdict: 7/10 Don’t forget the subtitles or you’ll end up listening to monkey grunts for 20 minutes and have to rewind

Stronger (2017)stronger.png

I looked at this movie and thought it was some tear jerking Oscar bait movie and didn’t want to waste my time on it, but then I noticed that Jake Gyllenhaal was in it and I pretty much had no choice. He hasn’t disappointed me in a long time so any movie he’s in, I’m there. Thankfully this ended up being so much better than I thought it’d be. I thought it was really respectful of the event and the survivors and it didn’t feel like it was just trying to cash in. One of my favorite scenes is when Jeff is in the hospital and he’s getting his bandages changed. The focus of the camera is on his face and his pain, while his legs are out of focus in the background. The point of the scene is to show what he had to endure, not to show the gore for shock value or flaunt off the special effects. It was unexpected, but I liked how they handled that a lot. They did something similar when he goes to wave the flag at the hockey game. That whole scene was incredible with the way they handled his PTSD and the emotion between him and his girlfriend, Erin.

Overall this is a pretty good movie. The acting, effects and handling of the tough subject matter was all done exceptionally well and this is well worth checking out.

Verdict: 8.1/10 Bring some Kleenex

mother! (2017)

The only thing I knew about this movie going in was that it was really weird and you’ll either love it or hate it. For some reason, I thought Jennifer Lawrence was supposed to be a robot and I spent the whole movie waiting for her to plug herself in to charge or something. Maybe if she was a robot I would’ve liked it more than I did. The first half wasn’t bad, but the second half was just too WTF for me. There was too much going on and none of it really made sense. I don’t even have a favorite image to screengrab here so all you get is text!

As a fan of Requiem for a Dream and Black Swan, I thought I might enjoy this but oh well… you win some you lose some. Maybe if you liked The Fountain you might like this.

Verdict: 6.4/10 She’s definitely NOT a robot…

Sing Street (2016)

sing_street.pngThis is another musical with another great soundtrack. This one takes place in the 80s and stars a 15 year old boy who starts a band to impress a girl he likes. I was a little skeptical at first after hearing the boy’s voice, but he started to get into it and I thought he sounded great. Some of the songs were catchy and they were a lot of fun to listen to. The brother was really great in this movie; his character was so deep and well written, and the actor who played him gave a fantastic performance.

If you like musicals then I’m sure you’ll like this. If you grew up in the 80s, I’m even more sure you’ll like this.

Verdict: 7.8/10 Get ready for a good time!

Lovesong (2016)lovesong.png

I’m not totally sure where I heard of this movie but it somehow made it on to my “To Watch” list, so when I saw it on Netflix I thought I’d give it a go. This movie is about 2 friends who sleep with each other once then don’t see each other again until one of them gets married. It’s a little awkward, but also kind of sweet, but also kind of sad. This movie was a child size roller coaster of emotion. That kid was so adorable I thought I was going to die whenever she said something and there were some really good laughs, namely “Anal Saturdays”… man was that a great scene. I liked the movie up until the ending then I got sort of annoyed. Watching people being stupid just makes me mad. I wish I could’ve reached into the movie and slapped them. Look at that image! Don’t they look happy? I think so. Ok… well out of context that doesn’t look too happy, but in context it was really sweet and I liked it.

Overall, this is a slow, mediocre “romance” type movie and I’d say it probably won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but if you have nothing else to do on a Sunday afternoon, maybe give it a whirl.

Verdict: 7/10 Anal Saturdays

45 Years (2015)

I heard good things about this movie and I had it queued to watch on Netflix for months despite it not looking too interesting to me. My instinct happened to be right in this case, and I didn’t enjoy it at all. It’s about this couple who are just about to celebrate their 45th wedding anniversary when they receive some news that will change their lives in a big way. I won’t give away what the big news is because I think learning about it as the characters do helps you feel the emotions right alongside them. As far as how it made me feel, well I can understand the heartbreak and how it’d feel to have your entire life put into question, but maybe I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind to really have it hit me emotionally.

I found myself really bored through long stretches of this movie. Perhaps if you’ve been married for 44 years and 11 months you might be able to relate a little more and will enjoy this… otherwise I can’t really say I’d recommend it.

Verdict: 6.4/10 Ehhhhhhh


TSPDT Double Feature

This week I gave myself a double dose of They Shoot Pictures, Don’t They? with the movies Storm Over Asia and Das Boot. My desire to watch each of these movies couldn’t have been any more different, but without further ado let’s get into it.

Storm Over Asia (1928)

Starting off with #989, Storm Over Asia or Potomok Chingis-Khana if you prefer original titles. This is a silent, historical, 2+ hour long Russian movie about uhhh, trying to sell some furs, getting in a fight, then being mistaken for Genghis Khan. I judge books by their covers, and I thought this would bore the pants off of me. I psyched myself up and hit play. The first thing I noticed was the music which was so different from other silent movies I’ve seen. This one was Asian themed and I liked it a lot actually. I think it fit well with the movie and I didn’t get sick of it after the 2 hour runtime like I have with other silent movies I’ve watched. The effects were also pretty good for such an old movie. They actually showed blood that looked like blood which I found somewhat shocking for a movie from the 20s. It was also very impressive that they shot the movie in Mongolia and hired Mongolian actors to play many of the parts which added a lot authenticity to the movie.

Overall, this wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, but I did zone out a little in the middle. Even so, this is in my personal top 5 silent movies… out of the 10 or so that I’ve seen…

Verdict: 7/10

Das Boot (1981)das_boot.png

Next let’s fast forward to 1981 with Das Boot, a movie about Germans on a U-boat in WWII. This would be #988 on the list and is my second time seeing it. I was so excited to re-watch it and it didn’t disappoint in the slightest. I think the first time I ended up watching the nearly 5 hour version, this time I watched the 3 and a half hour version but boy did it not feel that long… there wasn’t a single moment when I asked myself when this was going to be over.  This movie is so intense, it had my stomach in knots. I had the added bonus of not remembering how it ends and the ending just blew my mind. I loved it so much that I won’t dare spoil anything, even though that’s the tagline of my blog. As far as special effects go, they built scale models to do some of the outside sea shots which held up really well almost 40 years later. They even built a life sized U-boat set to use where you can see how insanely small those things were for the amount of people they carried. You can just imagine the filth and stench inside that boat after months on sea. I just can’t get over how well this movie was made. I loved every minute of it.

This movie is suspenseful, emotional, claustrophobic and beautifully made. I can’t stop praising it enough, and because of that I decided that it’s earned a place in my top 20 movies of all time. Don’t be scared of the runtime for this movie because it doesn’t feel long at all. But if you still can’t stomach watching such a long movie, there’s a shorter one at around 2 and a half hours that just might do it for you. So turn off the lights, turn up the volume and enjoy!

Verdict: 9.5/10




Oh, hi there, nice of you to still be reading… here’s a bonus movie just for you.

Miller’s Crossing (1990)millers_crossing.png

I had this one laying around for awhile and decided to finally give it a watch and it was just alright. It’s about this guy who keeps trying to play both sides of this mobster feud. The plot is interesting I guess, but personally I don’t find that Gabriel Byrne can really carry a movie. The movie just felt small and could’ve benefited from some bigger name actors in it. There were some great scenes, but I couldn’t help but feel like something was always missing. I really can’t say what it was though. This is a decent Sunday afternoon movie, but I wasn’t too blown away with it.

Verdict: 6.8/10




Pépé le Moko (1937)

Image missing because my video card decided today would be its last day of service so I’m not able to grab a good enough shot to do this post justice. Instead, just imagine a close up of a man standing face to face with a beautiful woman in an old black and white french movie.

I’ve been agonizing over whether I should write anything about this movie or not. Pépé le Moko is a classic film noir, gangster movie that was influential in creating the anti-hero archetype. It cemented Jean Gabin as one of the greatest male leads of the time in France and his character was the inspiration for Pépé Le Pew. Movies like this almost seem untouchable for a review. I didn’t go to film school or study film history in depth, I’m just someone who watches movies for my own enjoyment . So for this review, that’s just what I’ll do… I’ll talk about my enjoyment of this movie.

I didn’t hate it and I didn’t love it, I’m just completely neutral. Some scenes hit their mark, but I had a huge problem investing in the “romance”. I understand this was made 80 years ago and things were different back then, but I just can’t support a romance where the man says something like, “A pity I don’t know you better so I could smack you one.” Yeah he’s the anti-hero, but this has nothing to do with being an anti-hero character it was just how women were treated back then. I think that line made it too hard for me to care for him as a person and as a result I couldn’t invest in his struggles. Jean Gabin was great in this role though… he really brought the character to life. When he gets mad and starts yelling, that is acting to rival anything you’d see in movies today, I absolutely loved it.

Storywise, I went in a little too cold with this movie so I didn’t even know what it was about and that caused me to be somewhat confused at the beginning. They start right up with Pépé being a wanted criminal and you don’t get to see what he did or what got everyone to where they are now. It took me awhile to figure out who everyone was and what they were trying to do. This might end up being better on a second viewing since I won’t be so confused, but it did hamper my enjoyment this time around. I might’ve liked to see an opening scene of Pépé committing some crimes or something along those lines just to introduce him and give me a real sense of who the police are after.

If you like classic movies then at least give this one a shot because I don’t think you’ll hate it. If you come armed with a little knowledge about the movie, and a longer attention span than I have, I dare say you might actually like it.

Verdict: 7/10 Pepé le Meh


The Mist (2007)


As unbelievable as this sounds, The Mist is about a small town that’s terrorized by… a mist. That really took me by surprise, but once I got over the shock of it, I was left with an emotionally confusing movie. I just don’t know how to feel about it. There are a lot of moments I genuinely enjoyed and there are ones where I nearly broke my nose face-palming so hard.

I’ll go ahead and start off with the best part of the entire movie, and that’s, hands down, Thomas Jane’s performance. He is just amazing and completely carries this movie on his back. You see him go through a believable range of emotions as this mist starts to attack, and the last scene of the movie is so well acted that it rips your heart out of your chest and throws it on the ground. Then there are the characters in this movie that are just so annoying; Mrs. Carmody, the one dimensional religious freak; Brent Norton, the neighbor that for some reason believes the entire store is trying to trick him… like get over yourself buddy; and Carol from The Walking Dead’s character, who thinks someone is actually going to walk her home in this mist and gets mad when they don’t. Such unlikable people with unbelievable motives and actions. I also thought it was a little unfair of the movie to provide such spoilers for The Walking Dead. Killing Andrea and Dale? Not fair! Carol gets to survive? Come on! Boy am I glad I watched this after watching that show or I’d be pretty upset.

On top of all my issues with the characters, the special effects were pretty… 10 years old. I guess the movie tried its best, but those effects dated real fast. Thankfully they didn’t detract too much from the story because I still bought into what was happening. It was built up really well and the whole premise was interesting. The spider like creatures shooting acid webs just gave me another reason to murder any spider that enters my house. Try it spiders… bring it on!

This was an alright little horror movie with a fantastic final scene. I mostly watched it for the ending, which I think is pretty well known at this point and if you haven’t watched it yet I’d definitely recommend it. I think I might even go back for a rewatch on upcoming Halloweens.

Verdict: 7/10 If you’re gonna do a shout out to The Thing, do it with sweet effects not just its poster


Friday the 13th Parts 1-3


In honor of Friday the 13th falling in October, I rightfully marathoned a few of the Friday the 13th movies this last weekend (took a week to post this). I managed to make my way through the first 3 movies before I needed to give myself a break. This isn’t the first time I’ve watched these movies, but it’s the first time I watched them without commercial interruptions and with my full attention. Luckily they were a lot better than I remembered.

Part 1

This movie starts off slow… so slow… so very slow…. You have teenage pranks, strip monopoly, and Kevin Bacon. At least half the run-time I felt was filler since the main reason to watch these movies is for the kills. Sadly, the kills weren’t too memorable for me as the only one that stuck out in my mind was seeing someone get stabbed through the neck and seeing the very obvious skin tone change of the neck prosthetic. Great characters can be a compelling reason to watch a horror movie, but I didn’t really like any of the characters and I’m struggling to even remember their names so that didn’t hit the right note for me either.

Based on the last paragraph, it probably sounds like I didn’t like this movie, but I actually really think it deserves its place in horror history. Most of the problems I have with it are just because of its age and the fact that I’ve seen a lot of modern horror movies that have just done things bigger and better. This movie was one of the ones that started it all and that in itself is an accomplishment.The thing that really brings this movie home for me is the fact that Jason’s mom is the killer. This gives the movie a lot more depth, and makes it feel like more than just your average psychopath slasher movie. There is motivation for the murders and creates a much more compelling story.

Having the mom be the killer and actually die at the end without some supernatural reincarnation is what will leave this as a classic in my mind forever.

Verdict: 8/10

Part 2

I’m not a huge fan of sequels since, for the most part and especially for horror movies, they tend to be cash grabs. Friday the 13th Part 2 however feels like a true part 2 and not just a sequel. It’s hard for me to actually write about this movie because I felt like this movie’s plot was a logical continuation of the story, but then my brain keeps telling me that Jason died in the first movie so it’s completely illogical that he’s back for part 2. In this case however, I’m willing to ignore my brain and just go with my gut. I enjoyed this movie more than I thought I would. Jason was the new killer, but he was still mortal. He bled, limped and got hurt just like a real human would. There is a great scene when you can see Jason running up to the shack through the window and that scares the shit out of me every time. He didn’t just suddenly appear in the shack behind the girl with a loud jump scare sound like you’d normally see these days in horror movies. The girl sees him coming and to me that is a whole lot scarier. This leads me in to my favorite part of the movie which is the final girl’s idea to pretend to be Jason’s mom. She psychoanalyzed Jason while she was in the bar, saying how he must be doing it to avenge the death of his mother. That was a nice little set up for the ending because her knowing about his mother didn’t just come up out of nowhere.

This one was nearly as good as the original and truly deserving of being called a Part 2.

Verdict: 7/10

Part III

Now for the last movie of my mini-binge, the one where they decided they should really be using roman numerals–continuity be damned! This movie is one of the reasons why I feel like most sequels are a cash grab. There wasn’t too much that was new and fresh in this movie. We have another group of stupid teenagers going to the woods to have sex and die. There were a lot of really annoying characters in this one, like Shelly and that gang he meets at the store. The store scene was just a reason for more people to end up at the cabin to be killed before the main cast has to start dying. It could’ve been the fact that I’ve been marathoning these movies and was getting tired of the same old thing, but I do think that this is the movie where the franchise started going down the wrong path. Jason becomes almost supernatural in this one and impossible to kill. He gets stabbed in the leg, jumped on, takes a shovel to the head, is hung in such a way that I’m pretty sure his neck snapped, and to top it all off he gets axed in the face. None of this ever seems to slow him down because he will not stop chasing this girl. When the killer can never die, I feel like the movie has no point to it and no real suspense. I’m not content with just watching people die, I want to have great characters to root for and feel that suspense wondering whether they’ll live or die. In this movie, I knew every time Jason was knocked down that he would get back up and no matter where she runs he will always find her.

Not terrible, but definitely falling into the boring, invincible, supernatural slasher rut that the movies are in now.

Verdict: 6/10

Overall, I have a small place in my heart for the Friday the 13th franchise. I grew up watching horror movies late at night and these movies are dripping with nostalgia. I’m not a giant baby or anything, but after watching them at 1am it put me a little on edge. I slept on my back cause I was scared to turn around and I turned on all the lights when I went to the bathroom. They aren’t the best movies of all time, and it’s weird that I give the first one an 8 since it’s not the same caliber as some of my other 8s. For horror movies though, these movies stand out in the genre and are worthy of an October rewatch every year.


Chappie (2015)


Chappie is about Chappie the gangsta conscious robot from Johannesburg. He learns to walk, talk, fire guns, beat the shit out of people and most importantly… he learns to love. I absolutely love this robot. He’s voiced by Sharlto Copley who was the lead in District 9 which was directed by the same director and also took place in Johannesburg. It must be the guy’s accent because even in District 9 he had me cracking up. Something about the way he swears gets me every time and this movie is no exception. The way he swears, calls Yolandi and Ninja mommy and daddy, and his childlike innocence was just hilarious to me and I was thoroughly entertained by him. The shootout at the end was a little cheesy with the slow motion yelling, but I did enjoy how they left enough time to really feel the emotion of the scene. Not to mention, the special effects were pretty damn good in this movie. There were times when I wasn’t sure whether I was watching a real prop robot or a CG one and I loved that.

While I just loved watching the scenes with Chappie in it, I absolutely hated the scenes with Deon. I hate the stereotype that all programmers have to chug red bull to keep coding through the night. You’re going to tell me some mid 20s kid wrote the code for perfect consciousness all by himself by chugging some red bull? Like please… there are teams of people with scientific backgrounds that still haven’t been able to do it. I find this so annoyingly unrealistic that it made me mad enough not to want to watch the rest of the movie. To put a rotten cherry on top of that sundae, he brings his new found AI to the boss lady and explains it as a robot that can learn to write poetry and paint. Seriously? That’s your best pitch? How about that you discovered consciousness which in itself can be very useful in military and police applications, but if not for that then to harness and sell for a lot of money. Not the most moral of applications, but I find it impossible to believe someone can just discard this discovery. She won’t even give him a garbage robot to do his little experiments on. It’s an incredibly clumsy way for Deon to be able to power up Chappie in private without the company knowing about it.

This is a hard movie for me to recommend or even rate because my brain knows that the plot was sort of weak and it wasn’t the best made movie… but my heart can’t get enough of that robot. This verdict comes down based on pure entertainment value. I think it’s a movie I would watch again. I’d just maybe skip over the first 20 or so minutes.

Verdict: 7/10 No! You don’t use guns!