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Where Have All The Posts Been?

Ever since I had the experience with Mubi and made the decision that I don’t want to watch movies that I’m not interested in just for the sake of watching them, I’ve really been struggling to watch any movie at all. In May, I only managed to watch 10 which is way less than usual. I’ve been trying to make my way through TSPDT, but I keep having to watch ones that are completely uninteresting to me just so I can mark them off my list. Then I have to write a post about them and I can’t really find the words to describe how uninteresting I found it. I have Bad Timing, The Fountainhead and Red Beard that are all sitting around waiting to be reviewed, but I can’t think of anything to say about them. I started watching the next one on the list, The Indian Tomb, and I fell asleep, then rewound it and fell asleep again.

At this point, I’m not sure what I’m going to do. Maybe something broke inside of me that moment I decided I don’t want to waste my time anymore. Some of these movies I’m forcing myself to watch I just end up thinking are another waste of my time and do I really want to waste it? It makes me sad to think about because I’ve been seriously into movies for about 4 years now and have been exposed to so many things I never thought I’d enjoy. I always used to tell myself to never turn off a movie half way through because you don’t know how it ends. I hated the start of Mulholland Dr because I had no idea what was going on, then the ending was great and I ended up re-watching it again a few days later. You really never know how you’re going to feel about a movie after seeing the whole thing. There are some movies I actually just don’t get the first time through, but once I understand it more it’s really good. Those are the moments I love when I watch new movies and those are the moments I miss.

Likewise, with writing these reviews… sometimes I really don’t want to do it, but it helps me to explore the movie some more after I watch it. There have been some movies that I rated poorly after I watched it, then I really started to think about it when I was writing the review and realized some pretty clever themes and ideas. One that comes to mind the most was Rashomon, I thought this one scene was really stupid and was ready to rip it apart in the review, then as I was explaining why it was stupid I realized I was the stupid one and it was a really clever scene. That is the one thing I enjoy about writing these reviews. It’s more satisfying making my way through these lists and watching the movies if I actually think about them. Otherwise I might as well put them on in the background and just check them off. With all that said though, it gets incredibly difficult sometimes to write reviews. I think my reviews have evolved over the years since the very beginning of this blog. My first reviews were really off the cuff and I didn’t care if anyone read them or what they thought. I definitely enjoy going back to them and laughing because I find my sense of humor hilarious, but they are definitely disorganized and some of them might not be so fair. Then I hit a point where I was more fair and more organized and less off the cuff. Then I hit the point that I’m at now where I have to re-read every post over several times before I’m ready to publish it. Some things I’ll write off the cuff, then in a re-read I’ll decide to just take it out. It’s all very tiring and mentally draining.

I’m not a professional critic, I haven’t taken classes in writing or have any ambition to go down that road. Not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it on this blog before, but I’m actually a software developer and love it a lot. Watching movies and reviewing them is something I like to do in my spare time just for fun. I find now that whenever I write a piece, I care too much about what people will say. If I review a classic that’s had hundreds of great minds pick it apart and discuss how amazing it is, then I come along and say how I don’t like it for x number of reasons I’m just thinking how I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m not trained to review movies.

So where does this extremely long post leave me and this blog? I’m not totally sure. I really don’t want to stop writing again, because I actually do enjoy it and I like to go back and read some of my older posts, especially after I re-watch that movie. I don’t know if I like the state my posts are in now though. I want this to be more of my thoughts on the movie and not an official review. I will absolutely do my best to put together another monthly summary post at the end of May, but I don’t know whether I’ll get any individual movie posts out before then. I’m going to re-think my approach and how I want to move forward from here. I have to admit, it was very freeing to just write off the cuff again for this post… and I swear I’m only going to re-read it once before I publish it.

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2 thoughts on “Where Have All The Posts Been?

  1. okay, i’m a stranger here, and i just wanted to say, don’t force yourself into writing reviews.. and more importantly, even if you do, do it off the cuff more. as you keep writing, the inner style of your off the cuff writing will enhance, but don’t keep thinking what others will think of your review, because we already know you’re not a professional review writer. it’s all your own thoughts and it should be less filtered. i personally like reviews that speak the heart out and aren’t mainstream. i think official reviews are ambiguous when it comes to understanding whether an individual will like it or not. this is cause everyone has different tastes and only a ‘genre’ or storyline wouldn’t make it clear if a movie is of my taste or not.. it’s in those small things that we write off the cuff.. that’s where i can easily find out if something will be repelling for me or appealing.

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