Movies

TSPDT Double Feature

I went and had myself a double feature of TSPDT since one of these movies is insanely short. In a stunning turn of events one of these movies happens to be the worst movie I’ve seen all year. Which one is it, you ask? Read on and find out!

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Starting off with #992, the Christmas/Halloween classic The Nightmare Before Christmas. I’m not sure how many times I’ve seen this movie, but I’m going to call this my second watch. Apparently the first time I watched it I gave it a 6/10 for some unknown reason. So did this one end up being my most hated movie of the whole year? No. I cranked that rating up because this is a lot better than a 6.

The claymation is fantastically amazing and with that alone it deserves a spot on the list. The amount of time and dedication it takes to put something like this together just blows my mind. It’s incredibly well done and doesn’t feel for one minute like I’m watching a 25 year old movie. The creep factor in this movie is at an all time high. You know how much I love horror movies and this one even creeps me out. Everything is so perfectly dark and grotesque. I’m surprised this movie’s rated PG and is considered a “Family” movie because if I saw this as a kid I’d probably be scarred for life.

While being a family movie, it’s also a musical and quite a good one at that. From “This is Halloween” to “What’s This”, the songs are catchy and will get stuck in your head for days. They’re creepy and really create the perfect atmosphere.

If I had to say anything negative, I’d probably say that the story could drag a little at times. It kept my attention the whole time, but I was tempted to be distracted in the middle. Not to say it isn’t original or interesting, but there was something to it that I can’t put my finger on. The movie doesn’t follow one character exactly and that might be my problem. I like to have someone to relate to and be able to follow and this movie jumped between Jack, Sally, Oogie Boogie… and basically everyone who had their own song too much.

Overall though, it’s a great movie that completely deserves to be on the list. You’d probably be better served watching this during Halloween to get the full effect, but even as a March watch it worked. Like I said, I cranked the rating up on this one from a 6, but without a central character for me to follow I couldn’t go too high.

Verdict: 7.5/10 This is not the worst, this is not the worst. Not the worst! Not the worst! Not the worst! Not the worst!

Unsere Afrikareise (1966)

You guys seem like a smart crowd so I’m sure by now you’ve figured out that this was the worst movie I’ve watched all year. Yes, #991 Unsere Afrikareise was the worst 14 minutes of movie watching I’ve endured in 2018. It’s an experimental short film about white people visiting Africa and filming villagers killing animals and showing closeups of their nipples. If that sounds too harsh or possibly enticing to you, you can find this little “gem” on YouTube and see for yourself.

This has to be on the list for historical reasons because if I randomly watched it on YouTube without knowing anything about it I wouldn’t say it was one of the best 1000 movies ever made… not by a long shot. I had to read the back story after I watched it because I was so confused, and from what I read it’s on the list mostly because it pioneered some editing and sound techniques. The director spent years putting this film together, so I feel like a hypocrite for bashing it while praising The Nightmare Before Christmas for the same effort. Honestly though, I just don’t understand this movie or what it was trying to be.

I feel bad for calling it the worst movie I’ve seen all year, but it just was. It’s definitely experimental and doesn’t follow any real narrative. It’s true meaning is whatever you give it. It can be an amazing film if you want it to be, or a waste of time if you don’t.

Verdict: 4/10 I didn’t…

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Movies

They Live (1988)

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Next up in TSPDT is #993, They Live. I read the summary, saw the poster and thought it’d be right up my alley, but I was wrong… like painfully wrong. From what I understand, this movie’s on the list because it’s a real cult classic. Like with any cult classic, it wasn’t popular when it was released but gained a following in later years. These tend to be hit or miss… this time, obviously, it was a miss.

This movie is so cheesy and ridiculous that I couldn’t take it seriously or enjoy it. When I watch these kinds of movies, I find it hard to write anything because I don’t have defendable reasons why I didn’t like the movie, I just didn’t like it. Rowdy Roddy Piper’s acting left a lot to be desired and made it impossible for me to relate to his character. Now I’m going to be superficial: his mullet was too intense and distracting; and his clothes… well the 80s is strong with this one. I try to tell myself that they’re just products of their time, but it doesn’t help me enjoy it any more. Aside from the looks and acting, the most distracting element in the entire movie was the music. It was so dramatic and goofy that it took away from every scene and made it into a joke. I guess the scene that was actually meant to be a joke was the extremely long fight scene… like 5 minutes long. I just wanted it to end, but it kept going on and on. He doesn’t want to put on the damn glasses already!

After bashing almost everything about this movie I’ll be nice and give it points for 3 things that I enjoyed. The first being the alien practical effects which I really dug. The aliens are so creepy and cool without their skin. Seeing them in the posters was one of the reasons I was excited to watch the movie in the first place. The second thing I liked were the TV speeches. The song “House on a Hill” by The Pretty Reckless starts with an excerpt from this speech and I had no idea it came from this movie. I actually kind of like the speech and now I’ll think of this movie whenever I hear that song. The final thing that stood out for me were Holly’s eyes. I’ve never seen eyes so blue in my life; they’re this pale icy blue that pierces into your soul. With eyes like those I think she could do better than the poorly acted, mullet haired, flannel wearing character of Nada.

Well that’s all I have to say about They Live. I don’t think I’d personally put it down as one of the greatest 1000 movies ever made. It’s one of those movies you have to try for yourself and see if you like it. Hopefully it’ll be your cup of tea.

Verdict: 6.5/10 I brought the bubble gum, but I’m all out of ass

Movies, TV

Heimat (1984) – Episodes 1-3

After the last movie I watched, I’m excited to move on to something else… except TSPDT #994 is a weird one because it’s actually a TV mini-series. This makes my life difficult on many fronts. First of all, a 1984 German TV series is really hard to find to even watch. Second of all, the entire thing is like 15 hours or something so there is no way I can binge 15 hours in one sitting. Third of all, there is no way I’m making you read a post about a 15 hour “movie”. For this one, I will break my rule of watching everything in order, and I’m just going to watch this episode by episode while moving on with the list in between episodes. I’ll group my posts however it makes sense, but I’m going to guess there will be several of them and it’s going to take me a while to watch the entire thing. I have heard good things about this, and since it’s made around the same time as Das Boot, I’m really hoping I’ll enjoy it.

As you might have guessed by the title, I’ll be starting off with the first 3 episodes which happen to be around 4 hours in total, so essentially this is like watching 2 movies. The series follows a family living in Germany after WWI, through WWII and into the aftermath. The first 3 episodes cover 1919-1935 and were actually not too bad. There are some characters that I like and it’s interesting to watch Hitler come into power and see how the people of Germany reacted to it.

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I’ll start off with the characters. The first episode centers mainly on one of the sons, Paul, who just got back from the military serving in WWI. He falls in love and tries to find meaning in his life after the thing’s he’s seen. For reasons, he’s sadly out of the show after the first episode and we are left to follow some of the other children, Eduard and Maria. The next episodes mostly focus on them as they grow up, get married and start families. It’s all an interesting little slice of life show up to that point. The characters are somewhat deep, but because it’s such a large cast you don’t get to know anyone too intimately. Overall though, it’s enough to keep me engaged.

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In episodes 2 and 3 we really get into WWII and the rise of Hitler and that’s where things get… interesting. So Hitler really starts out as a whisper on the streets then as times goes on he gains more of a following and eventually he’s revered. He’s both revered and feared at the same time by the people. They revere him because they really believe that he will improve their lives. After WWI things weren’t looking so good¬† for the every day man, but Hitler made and delivered on a lot of his promises to improve every day life. Business was booming and people could afford nicer and nicer things. But as the saying goes, nothing good in life is ever free. The people also fear him, no matter where in the country you are. The mother of the family wanted to go visit her brother on his birthday which also happened to be the same day as Hitler’s. She says that she’s going because she loves her brother more than Hitler and is told not to say it out loud like something could happen to her if anyone hears. At first it seems silly… then when more and more military are in the village and kids are joining the Hitler Youth, you start to realize he really does have ears everywhere. There’s part of the population that believed in what he was doing, and there was part that didn’t but feared speaking out.

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That’s how it was portrayed in the show at least… Part of me is thinking this is a German made movie and there’s a chance they’re trying to make themselves look better for what happened during WWII. I don’t want to believe what I’m seeing because there has to be some bias in it, but part of me thinks there is a lot of truth in it as well. It makes me uncomfortable to even try and empathize with people in a country that did such disgusting things, but not everyone agreed with what was happening and if you spoke out you’d probably end up dead. It’s definitely weird watching a show where you’re shown things that make you empathize with the characters, but mentally and historically you feel like you shouldn’t. It makes me think back to Judgment at Nuremberg where some German’s spoke about why they did such awful things. They talked a lot about doing it for their country, like it was a matter of national pride… not exactly that they wholeheartedly believed in what they were doing. It’s pretty dark and heavy to think about, but this show really takes you there for better or worse.

On that note, I’m going to leave it here right at the beginning of WWII. So far this has been an interesting show and a thousand times less painful to watch than In Praise of Love. I can’t give my thoughts on the whole series yet, but I’m liking the first 3 episodes and I have a few more queued up. Next, though, I’ll be covering the next movie on the list, #993 They Live. See you then!

Interim Verdict: 7.8/10

Movies

In Praise Of Love (2001)

The Beginning

I’m going into the next movie on TSPDT, In Praise of Love, pretty blind. The only thing I managed to learn about it is that it’s directed by the same guy that did Breathless (which I actually liked) and that Roger Ebert gave it 1 star (not very promising). I have no choice but to watch it though as this is #995 on TSPDT. Here goes…

15 Minutes Later…

So I’m 15 minutes in and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on. There are clips of interviews with random people about a play or movie or novel and there is a guy flipping through a book with no words. I’m incredibly bored, confused and uninterested.

The Next Night…

I got through another 12 minutes of the movie and I still don’t know what’s happening. I also just don’t care. I don’t know who these characters are or what they’re doing or why they’re doing it. Maybe this is one of those fancy art house movies where there is no story and you just have to “feel the movie”. If that’s what it ends up being then it lost me before I even turned it on. I don’t much care for these kinds of movies, but I won’t leave something unfinished so I’ll do my best to power through it.

2 Days Later…

Now there is a scene where the woman is speaking french and I’m reading her subtitles, but a man is speaking English over top of her and I can’t concentrate on what either of them is saying. I can’t make any connection between the last scene and this one. I’m done.

5 Days Later…

I can’t move on with the list until I finish this movie so I’ve mentally prepared myself to push through the rest of this thing. It’s only an hour… I can do this. Some more talking about random things. Then an approximately 3 minute long scene where the camera is pointing at the back of a man and a woman who are talking to each other. Here’s something the man says, “What you’re saying is interesting. Things beginning, things coming to an end. *Train sounds and no subtitles so I don’t know what he says* Not your story or mine, but, whatever happens, our story. Even if we aren’t acquainted. History.” *rips out hair* What does that even mean? Those aren’t sentences. I can’t. Interest level has hit an all time low. I have no dialogue or visuals to keep me interested. Get me out of this nightmare.

I will keep on going though because I want this to be over. Oh great, someone died and he gets to keep one of her books. Now it switches to color and they start talking about history or something, and just like in school my brain put on a hat and coat and left. I lost track of time, but I think around 10 minutes later my brain came back and I was treated to the first scene I actually cared about at all. A man is talking about Americans and the woman asks who he means since Canada is in North America, and Brazil and Mexico are also technically America. I was somewhat amused by this. This gave me the strength I needed to go on.

I’m in the home stretch now and this is where I start to feel like this is just a movie about ideas. There’s no real story and it feels sort of pretentious. It’s almost like he had an idea for a movie, but instead of making the movie, he made a movie about having the idea for a movie. Honestly, I’d much rather watch something with a full story that left me feeling what he was trying to convey, rather than listen to random ideas strung together against the backdrop of seemingly random images. On top of that, this movie has a Pulp Fiction structure where the scenes aren’t chronological so you have to struggle against that at the same time.

The End.

No it’s not… the movie keeps going through the credits. Please just end my suffering.

The Real End!

The sweet, glorious ending and I’m finally free! I’m just so sorry this review had to go this way. I hate saying only negative things about a movie. Originally I even wanted to scrap all of this and just write a short review politely saying that I did not enjoy this motion picture but that it might be good. Who am I to criticize something like this which I don’t even understand? But this is my blog and I want to be as honest as possible and not go along with what everyone else says just to fit in. I also know I said many times I had no idea what was going on and to be totally honest, I didn’t even try to find out. This was just one of the most uninteresting movies I’ve watched in a long time. It’s sort of like reading a really difficult essay where you don’t know half the words so you just let your eyes glaze over and you force yourself to move your eyes across each line but don’t absorb anything you “read”. That was this movie… I let the movie run in front of my face and I kept my eyes open. Maybe one day I’ll rewatch this and understand why it made it on to this list. For now, I just don’t get it at all. To me it was pointless and I don’t know why it’s in the top 1000 movies.

Verdict: 5/10 In praise of it being over

Movies

February 2018

So ends the worst month of the year… the month that thinks it’s so great it can have less than 30 days. Because of selfish old February, I only managed to watch 26 movies this month. Not terrible by any means, but I wish I could’ve matched the number of days in the month. As with January, I had a balance of good and bad movies… but I didn’t really have anything great that’d make it on my best of the year list or anything.

Best of the Best


Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017) – 8.4

Here we are, the first of the Oscar nominated movies and it was… good. While I was watching it, I really liked it and it held my attention. It was well written, shot and acted so I can’t complain about much. I’d say this one even has a shot at winning Best Picture based on the ones I’ve seen so far. I think that says something about the awards though, because in 5 years I don’t think people will still be talking about this one. There wasn’t anything too ground breaking about it, other than having an interesting plot that is somewhat based on a true story. It gave a great platform to showcase some actors that haven’t gotten as much praise as they might deserve, like Sam Rockwell, Frances McDormand and Woody Harrelson who were all fantastic in this. I’m rooting for Sam Rockwell to win best supporting actor for playing Dixon, the racist, homophobic small town cop with anger issues. It was such a deep character and I think Rockwell was able to deliver on the humor and seriousness that the role required.

Princess Cyd (2017) – 8.35

This one is probably my favorite movie of the month. It’s about this teenager who goes to stay with her Aunt for a few weeks and learns a lot about life. I very nearly wrote an entire post about this one, but I just don’t have the time for it. The reason I loved it is that it showcases two types of people that don’t get a lot of representation in film: bisexuals and people that are happy to just live solo. It had a really uplifting message for me about just living your life the way that makes you happy. Actually you know what, that’s all you get… I will write a post about this after all because I could go on for awhile talking about this one. Stay tuned for more.

Wonder (2017) – 8

I can’t believe this made my short list for best February movies. This looked like a tear jerker Oscar bait movie in the bad kind of way. For some reason though I decided to give it a watch and was very pleasantly surprised. It reminded me of Stronger where it looks cliche on the surface but actually manages to do something different. In Wonder’s case, it didn’t just show what it’s like for a kid to live with an illness, but also what his family goes through (and even friends of the family). The entire family was fleshed out and had their own problems to deal with. It worked so well and had me tearing up a few times which isn’t easy to do. Just goes to show, don’t judge a movie by its cover because you might actually like it.

Worst of the Worst


The Open House (2018) – 5.89

The Open House will go down in history as an example of how an ending can ruin an entire movie. This is a suspense thriller type of movie where you don’t know if there’s someone in the house or not. It was a little by the numbers, but it tapped into my fear of the dark and being in a big house alone at night. It freaked me out enough that I had to turn on the lights to go to the bathroom even though it’s just across the hall. And then the ending happened and, I won’t spoil it for you, but it was awful. That was the least satisfying ending I’ve seen in recent memory. If they hadn’t dropped the ball so hard this would’ve been around a 7, but I just couldn’t justify that with the bad impression it left on me. Honestly, a 5.89 is generous and the only reason it gets that is for the first 7/8ths. If you want to watch it just turn it off before the last 5 minutes and make up your own ending.

In Praise of Love (2001) – 5

I’ve saved the worst for last with In Praise of Love. This was the most difficult movie watching experience of the year… I barely survived watching the entire thing. This one is courtesy of TSPDT, which means I’ll be doing a more in depth review of how much I hate this movie. In fact, I’ll be posting that one very very soon, so I won’t spoil anything for you guys here. I’ll just say that this one is in contention for worst of 2018… and it’s only February.

Biggest Surprise


Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) – 7.5

Throwing you guys a curveball here… I bet you didn’t think I’d bring Jumanji into the mix. This honestly was the biggest surprise because I’m a die hard fan of the original Jumanji movie. I had it on VHS and it was one of my go to movies as a kid so I’ve probably seen it 20+ times. I hate hate hate remakes or reboots or whatever you want to call it, so I didn’t even want to give this one a chance. It just so happens it was my boyfriend’s birthday and this was his choice so I went along with it. There were some genuinely funny moments that had me laughing out loud so the enjoyment factor was higher than I was expecting. To top that off, it wasn’t really even a remake of the original but more of just a direct sequel by taking the Jumanji concept of being stuck in a game and making it digital. This was a smart move because I never compared it to the original in any way which is good because they’re really uncomparable. It stood out on its own and I’ll say was a good addition to the series. Bravo.

Biggest Disappointment


The Cloverfield Paradox (2018) – 6.2

I feel so cliche jumping on the “I hate Cloverfield” bandwagon, but honestly it didn’t live up to expectations. I heard a lot of rumors about this movie before I even saw it, like how it wasn’t turned into a Cloverfield movie until filming was almost finished and that it felt like the tie-ins were shoehorned in at the last minute. I liked the first 2 movies though so I didn’t want to believe all that. Turns out it was true… this didn’t really tie in very well to the series and even as a movie itself it was confusing and weird. There is a lot of science mumbo-jumbo, and I call it that because it didn’t really make a lot of sense. The whole arm thing was honestly kind of dumb and the dimensions weren’t explained too well. I didn’t care at all for the people back on Earth and I sighed whenever the story switched back to them. This wasn’t the worst movie of February, but with how much I was looking forward to it, it just let me down the most. Get it together Cloverfield!


This was a really average month overall… most of the movies I watched weren’t worth talking about and I forgot I even watched them. Here’s hoping March will go better for me. As usual, I’ll keep working my way through TSPDT and posting about it every Saturday so stay tuned.