Eden Lake (2008)


I found this movie on a list of modern horror movies you probably haven’t seen yet… which was pretty accurate at the time because I hadn’t seen this or even heard of it. This one has the Michael Fassbender in it! It’s basically about this couple who go on vacation to Eden Lake and are terrorized by a group of teenagers. It was a decent movie, but it didn’t do anything new or exciting to earn a re-watch badge with me.

I’ll start with the effects because I’m me and duh. There were 2 shots I remember that had great effects and made me really uncomfortable. One was the close up of Steve’s wounds because they looked pretty realistic and you could see the blood gushing out of them. The second one was when his wife, Jenny, gets the spike through her foot and she’s trying to pull it out. Both disgusting and painful to look at. Don’t believe me? Look at the image for this post and tell me that wouldn’t hurt!

As far as the acting goes, Fassbender was top notch and just like in The Mist, the A-lister steals the show. The kids were decent enough, but I found it extremely difficult to understand what they were saying, with the main kid being the worst offender. The British accent was so thick I could’ve benefited a lot from subtitles. Going back to the main kid, I thought he looked familiar and it turns out he starred in Starred Up a few years after this movie came out which I found very fitting. It’s almost like a sequel to this movie, where his stupid ass gets sent to jail for being a violent psychopath. It nearly makes up for the story which I’ll get into next.

The story itself isn’t too original; a couple goes away and the locals attack them. The execution was good, but it still had some annoyingly cliche scenes. One cliche being “woman hears noise outside tent and man goes to check it out”. Sure it scared me a little bit, but it was too cheap of a thrill for me to really appreciate. Another thing that annoyed me in this movie was that whenever they got into a car they would floor it through the woods. Hello, the guys you’re running from are on foot or, worst case, on bikes. You don’t need to floor it, just drive at a safe woods speed and you’ll get away without getting stuck or crashing.

Eden Lake is an alright one-watch horror film. It has good acting and gore effects, but the story has been done to death. Without Michael Fassbender, I think this would’ve been forgettable, but since he’s in it I’d say it’s worth a watch at least once in your life.

Verdict: 6.8/10 *mumbles something in a British accent*


The Voices (2014)


The Voices is a comedy horror about a man who talks to his dog and cat and ends up killing people. Based on the summary for this movie, I don’t think I would’ve ever watched it, but my boyfriend picked it randomly for us to watch and I have to say it wasn’t bad at all. I found myself actually laughing at some of the lines, especially the cat’s which I found especially funny because cats are evil. Case in point, “Oh, Jerry, change the fucking channel before I explode!”, says the cat as he watches lion’s having sex on TV, followed by him saying in wonder and awe, “Check it out, a crocodile killing a motherfucking antelope.” I don’t know, is there any more proof that cats are evil than this? Meanwhile, the dog is just chilling on the couch being a good pet.

Aside from the positive light this movie casts on dogs, there were some other good points. Namely, the way the movie shows the difference the drugs make for Jerry. When he’s off the drugs, everything is bright and cheery and his home is clean then when you get snapped back into reality everything literally turns to shit. His apartment is filthy, has animal shit on the floor and, oh yeah… decomposing dismembered body parts. The execution of this idea was done perfectly, and just when you got used to off the drugs Jerry, you’re quickly brought back into the real world and realize that he’s got some serious mental problems.

Overall, this was a fun horror movie that provides some good laughs. The plot is unusual, and is actually genuinely horrific with how disgusting it can be at times. Ryan Reynold’s does a fantastic job as Jerry and the voices of his pets.

Verdict: 7.4/10 Sing a happy song… sing a happy song


Trick ‘r Treat (2007)


I heard about this one from a YouTube reviewer that I follow. I agree with a lot of his reviews and I thought maybe this will be a fun horror movie to watch on a Sunday afternoon. I can’t even count the number of times I fell asleep and had to rewind the movie. I know I fell asleep at least 3 times during the last 20 minutes. This was just so boring and I’m not sure what the point even was. For those that don’t know, this movie is, I guess, about some weird little jack-o-lantern faced thing that sort of kills people but also people kill people and it’s Halloween.

I couldn’t care any less about the characters and I found everyone just so boring. I love Helo from BSG, but even he couldn’t save this movie for me. There are several different plots that intertwine at different points in the movie and it sort of begins with the ending… or ends with the beginning. The only positive thing I can say about this movie is the twist with the girls being werewolves was very unexpected. That’s actually all I have to say.

I was pretty bored with this movie, but maybe if you watch it with a group of friends under the right conditions you could find it fun. As a solo movie, I wouldn’t really recommend to watch this. There isn’t anything remarkable about it and you aren’t going to be missing out.

Verdict: 5.9/10 *Goes back to sleep*


Wait Until Dark (1967)


Wait Until Dark is about a blind woman who comes into possession of a heroin filled doll that is being sought after by a trio of criminals and contains exactly zero spiders! I was intrigued by the idea of the main character being blind since, for some reason, I’m always drawn to horror movies with unconventional main characters. I loved watching the cat and mouse game between Susy and the bad guys. It was fun watching her try and come up with ways to survive. I was fist pumping when she threw gasoline on Roat, like good luck lighting a match now buddy. She kind of kicked ass at the end of the movie… she even stabbed the guy! Very cool character and I enjoyed watching her a lot.

There aren’t too many negatives I can come up with for this movie. The only thing that really sticks out in my mind was the plot which I felt was a little hard to follow at times. I think I missed something at the very beginning because it took me awhile to understand who had the doll and how they got it. Probably just my own fault and not really the movie’s though.

Overall, I had fun with this one and I think it’s a pretty good little thriller. Susy was a great character and the ending was as good as any I’d see in movies today. This is definitely worth a watch.

Verdict: 7.8/10 Tap so I know where you are!


The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957)


Before I get into this, let me just apologize to spiders everywhere for what I said in my last review. When I told you to bring it on, I was just joking… I didn’t really mean it, I swear. I’ve learned my lesson and from here on out, I know my place.

With that out of the way, let’s get into this interesting movie from the 50s. The Incredible Shrinking Man is about… a man who incredibly starts to shrink. Something about insecticide and radioactive material, but that doesn’t really matter. This movie is all about the effects. If you’ve read any other reviews of mine you might notice a trend of me heavily commenting on effects. You might be thinking to yourself, “Great, she’s about to destroy this movie because effects from the 50s can’t be very good by today’s standards”. Well, jokes on you cause I’m actually going to say the opposite. I was very surprised at just how well the effects held up. They really built giant objects and sets to make the man look small. I loved the scissors which earned the screenshot position for this review–they looked and sounded totally real. When he was trying to move them, I really believed it was a little man trying to move a normal sized pair of scissors. When he bent the pin into a little grappling hook, I was losing it. I loved all his ideas and how he re-purposed everyday items into tools. The most shocking thing for me was the giant wedge of cheese. It was definitely not a real giant wedge of cheese. It looked like it could be styrofoam but then the guy ate it so I don’t really know what to believe. Either the health and safety regulations were extremely relaxed 60 years ago and eating styrofoam was just a part of the job, or cheese in the 50s isn’t what it is today.

The one part of the movie, as you might have already guessed, I did not enjoy was the giant tarantula spider boss. First of all, I could have lived without seeing a close up of a spider’s face and its disgusting hairy legs through the entrance of the matchbox. Second of all, were tarantulas just common types of spiders to find in your basement in the 50s? That’s all I can bring myself to say about this part of the movie because even thinking about it to write this review is creeping me out. I’m just gonna go ahead and block this out of my memory.

Alright now where was I? Right… the ending. The ending was actually pretty interesting in that maybe a new race of tiny people is the future. Maybe he was just the first of his kind and the radioactive mist stuff will make more like him. This is one movie that I’d be interested in seeing a sequel of. They could do it like an epidemic where the mist got into the city and now everyone is shrinking. Dammit Hollywood, you better be reading this… I want to see that sequel. Just put some money into this instead of another foreign horror movie remake.

Anyways, this was a pretty cool movie and I definitely recommend giving it a watch. Not sure how horrifying this really is, to me it’s more of a sci-fi or thriller than a horror movie, but an interesting one all the same.

Verdict: 7.8/10 Another reason to never own a cat… dogs for life


The Mist (2007)


As unbelievable as this sounds, The Mist is about a small town that’s terrorized by… a mist. That really took me by surprise, but once I got over the shock of it, I was left with an emotionally confusing movie. I just don’t know how to feel about it. There are a lot of moments I genuinely enjoyed and there are ones where I nearly broke my nose face-palming so hard.

I’ll go ahead and start off with the best part of the entire movie, and that’s, hands down, Thomas Jane’s performance. He is just amazing and completely carries this movie on his back. You see him go through a believable range of emotions as this mist starts to attack, and the last scene of the movie is so well acted that it rips your heart out of your chest and throws it on the ground. Then there are the characters in this movie that are just so annoying; Mrs. Carmody, the one dimensional religious freak; Brent Norton, the neighbor that for some reason believes the entire store is trying to trick him… like get over yourself buddy; and Carol from The Walking Dead’s character, who thinks someone is actually going to walk her home in this mist and gets mad when they don’t. Such unlikable people with unbelievable motives and actions. I also thought it was a little unfair of the movie to provide such spoilers for The Walking Dead. Killing Andrea and Dale? Not fair! Carol gets to survive? Come on! Boy am I glad I watched this after watching that show or I’d be pretty upset.

On top of all my issues with the characters, the special effects were pretty… 10 years old. I guess the movie tried its best, but those effects dated real fast. Thankfully they didn’t detract too much from the story because I still bought into what was happening. It was built up really well and the whole premise was interesting. The spider like creatures shooting acid webs just gave me another reason to murder any spider that enters my house. Try it spiders… bring it on!

This was an alright little horror movie with a fantastic final scene. I mostly watched it for the ending, which I think is pretty well known at this point and if you haven’t watched it yet I’d definitely recommend it. I think I might even go back for a rewatch on upcoming Halloweens.

Verdict: 7/10 If you’re gonna do a shout out to The Thing, do it with sweet effects not just its poster


The Birds (1963)


It’s time to take things back, way back to 1963 with some classic Hitchcock. The Birds is about birds that attack people for literally no reason. This movie starts out extremely slow, taking almost 20 minutes for things to really get going. When they do get going, there are some very interesting suspenseful scenes, but the bird effects are just too old to be taken seriously. I love when Melanie is sitting in the school yard and it keeps cutting back and forth between her and the playground with more and more birds showing up each cut. Any of the scenes with a massive amount of real birds just standing around preparing to attack was pretty suspenseful. I’m still wondering how they managed to get so many birds to stay still for so long. It’s impressive for any movie, let alone a movie from 50 years ago.

Sadly, as cool as those scenes were, the scenes with the bird effects were equally as bad. I know, I know… this is from 1963 so I shouldn’t have expected amazing effects, but I couldn’t stop laughing. The characters are clearly swatting at nothing and the blood was that unrealistic light red color. It’s a shame, but it was hard for me to find this scary or thrilling just because it was so old.

The effects are just a product of their time and there isn’t much that can be done about that, but story is something that could transcend time if done well. This story, however, ends with no explanation and was one of the most frustrating endings I’ve seen in months. It felt like it was building up to something, and then it just showed the end credits and I’m left wondering why the hell the birds attacked in the first place. They kept hinting that somehow the love birds Melanie brought might be involved, or Melanie herself might be the cause and then it amounted to nothing. Not only do we not find out, but after being attacked by birds, Cathy still wants to bring the love birds with them… and Mitch agrees! They’ve just been attacked by birds and people have died, but they’re still fine with taking birds with them.

On top of the dated effects and lack of story, the acting is so hot and cold. The mother has an amazing scene where she opens up to Melanie about why she doesn’t like Mitch dating women, but it’s contrasted with a mostly wooden performance from Melanie. I’m almost starting to think Melanie is the reason why the birds are attacking because she doesn’t seem to even care what’s happening. They find Annie dead and Cathy is telling the story through so many tears she can barely talk… while Melanie looks on with no expression on her face. At least Mitch looks somewhat concerned about what’s going on, and the rest of the supporting cast does a good enough job. It’s just a shame that I found the main character so uninteresting and boring.

I’d say to give this one a watch at least once since it’s such a classic, but it really isn’t that great of a movie and it certainly doesn’t stand the test of time for me. Think I’ll skip this one in next year’s horror movie binge month.

Verdict: 6.8/10 Needs more real birds